What is Domestic Abuse?

...Marital abuse / domestic violence is nothing less than war waged in the battlefield of what should be a sanctuary, a safe-haven, to everyone...the home.
    It is a shameful, sometimes fatal, and often secret, war.
   What Angelina Grimke wrote of slavery in the 19th Century, applies just as much to domestic abuse in the 21st.
    “TELL IT NOT in Gath. Publish it NOT in the streets of Askelon….” They never suspected that many of the gentlemen and ladies who came from the South to spend the summer months in traveling among them were petty tyrants at home.    --Angelina Emily Grimke, An Appeal to the Christian Women of the South, 1838
    
   What is domestic abuse? Domestic abuse is WAR (both psychological and physical warfare) waged in the home, usually in secret, against members of one’s own family, most especially perpetrated by husbands against wives.
    Does domestic abuse and violence take place within professing Christian families? As of this writing, Google currently lists over 400,000 entries for the search term “Christian Domestic Violence Seminars.” Does that answer the question?
    Enough domestic abuse takes place within professing Christian homes that addressing the issue has become a popular cause within the Christian community. But all the seminars in the world will not change a thing regarding domestic abuse and domestic violence until church leaders eliminate the policy of female submission to male leadership, for that is what lies at the very heart of the issue and is what perpetuates it.
    It is a doctrine of systematic, institutionalized, discrimination that not only perpetuates abuse but also prevents Christians from responding compassionately, knowledgeably, biblically, and effectively to victims of abuse.

This article is an excerpt from the book, Woman this is WAR! Gender, Slavery, & the Evangelical Caste System, by Jocelyn Andersen.

Should Abused Wives get Divorced?

The second question I received during my interview on the IMPACT RADIO USA "Family Talk" podcast [about Christian response to domestic violence] had to do with divorce and did I recommend it?

A few of the questions I was asked:

• God hates divorce. How do you advise women [in abusive marriages] concerning divorce?
• What kinds of adverse effect do boys experience who grow up watching fathers abusing their mothers? 
• How do you break the pattern of abuse?

Listen to my answers HERE

Domestic Violence: Jocelyn Andersen Talks about her Experience and Insights

Added this interview to Hungry Hearts Radio to play once every day. I don't know of another  Christian Radio station that streams as many resources to help those trapped in abusive relationships or for those they are most likely to turn to for help (Heads-up, there is a glitch in the audio a few minutes into it, but hang on for a few moments. It corrects itself and comes back loud and clear for the rest of the interview [also, my apologies for the Geico ad--couldn't remove it).

Click HERE to Listen

Mommy Fight for Us! Children of Abusers

 Proverbs 24:10-12 kjv says, If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small. If you neglect to deliver them that are drawn to their deaths, and those that are ready to be slain; If you say, Behold, we knew it not; does not he that knows the heart consider it? And he that holds your soul in his power, does not he know it? And shall he not hold you accountable?

   Women die from domestic violence. Children handed over to abusers in the name of "justice" are killed—and not just a few. Those who do not die or suffer permanent physical injuries, carry internal scars that affect them for the rest of their lives. 
   As humans and as Christians, this is our business! 
   He who searches the hearts tells us clearly that it is our business. It is also part of the way that we, as Christians, respond compassionately, effectively, and biblically to the sin and crime of domestic violence. It is part of the way we obey the command of Christ to bear one another's burdens, and be light and salt in our world.
   The Battered Mother's Custody Conference addresses what this writer calls a Family Court Holocaust. This issue has become an international crisis of battered women, abused children, and child custody litigation abuse. It is a secular conference with many suffering Christians in attendance. Our churches are full of protective mothers as well.
   If pastors and leaders cannot or will not attend this annual conference, which provides an education [on this issue] that is available nowhere else, then finance the trip for financially overburdened protective parents, who would otherwise be unable to attend a conference that puts practical tools in their hands for going through the very expensive, completely exhausting, legal nightmare of trying to protect their children.

   You’ll pray for them? That’s a good thing, a wonderful thing, now take the next step and put hands, feet, and wings to your prayers, add physical time, effort, and money to them. Hear the cry of one 2010 conference attendee’s daughters, who pleaded, “Mommy, fight for us. Do something every day to try to get us back, and don’t ever stop.”

   The Battered Mothers Custody Conference is held every January, in Albany, New York. Plan on attending next year’s conference and, if you can, help send a protective parent as well.

Female Autonomy: An Escalating Factor in Domestic Violence and Abuse

Nevertheless [even though you cannot fully comprehend this] so love everyone after the manner [of Christ and] particularly love your wives even as yourselves [and wives to fear[1] husbands]--Ephesians 5:33

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[1] The Greek word translated reverence or respect, in this verse, is phobeō. This is the root of the English word, phobia (fear). Examples of New Testament scriptures where the word “respect” would have been just as appropriate, if not more so, [than translating the Greek word, phobeō, as reverence] include: Matthew 21:37, Mark 12:6, Luke 20:13, and Hebrews 12:9. Another option is to translate the word with its most literal meaning of, “fear.” In Ephesians chapter six, Paul admonished slaves to fear and tremble before their lords. He was not advocating slavery. This advice stemmed from concern for their physical safety, and despite the egalitarianism of the early church, wives were in just as much physical danger from husbands as slaves were from masters. During that time, there was no legal recourse for women against domestic violence, and nothing but moral constraint to prevent husbands from beating wives. Sadly, history has shown that moral constraints without legal clout, often prove inadequate in protecting women from marital violence 

Ephesians 6:5 Slaves obey lords according to the flesh with fear and trembling[1] in singleness of your hearts as [to] Christ

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[1] The apostle meant what he said to Christian slaves about fear and trembling before their masters. Slaves were considered sub-human, and Roman Lords could do anything they liked with their slaves. They could harm or kill them in any manner they chose. Paul was not condoning slavery, when he wrote this, but rather he was intent on the physical safety of those in his congregations who were slaves. 

A side-note about wives must be inserted here as well. The standing of women, in Roman society and in Jewish Tradition, was only slightly higher than that of slaves (women were honored and respected in the Hebrew scriptures, but not in the Tradition’s [Jesus had nothing good to say about the Traditions]), so Paul would have been greatly concerned for the physical safety of the wives in his congregations as well. Christian women of the first century, experienced an equality of the sexes almost unheard of in all of history, either before or after that era, and this would certainly pose a serious physical threat to wives of violent controlling husbands. Such men would show little or no tolerance of wives who dared to exhibit autonomy. This liberty among early Christians would naturally have the effect of escalating tension and violence would have increased in such marriages. The apostle knew this, and also that there was no legal recourse for either Jewish or Roman wives in cases of marital violence, hence his advice in Ephesians chapter five, for wives to fear (usually translated respect or reverence) their husbands.  

The commentary above is an excerpt from the Hungry Hearts Online Bible Commentary HHBC

Woman Submit! Christians & Domestic Violence, is for anyone experiencing domestic abuse or violence, and also for those they are most likely to turn to for help--family, friends, pastors, etc... The evangelical Christian woman whose spirit is being crushed and life possibly endangered by domestic violence is faced with a unique burden. She needs straight answers--not unrealistic expectations or clichéd, stereotypical platitudes. In this book, she will get straight answers, clear scriptural direction, and some tough challenges from one who has been there but is there no longer.