Good Mothers Do not Lose Custody of Their Children

   Old ideas about divorce and child custody shattered when I attended the annual Battered Mothers Custody Conference, where I spent a weekend with over 200 non-Custodial Protective Parents (mostly mothers) and Custodial Protective parents (again, mostly mothers) who through their efforts to protect their children, either lost custody of their children or live under the constant threat of losing custody of them to the abuser. 

   Many of the protective mothers I met are members of churches across the nation. I met non-custodial protective mothers who told me they how they long to fit in and just be a normal mom like the other mom's at church, but in addition to the horrific details of their lives, feel they cannot even attend their fellowship's MOPS group for mom's because of the stigma and shame attached to being a mother who lost custody of her children.
   The old stereotype persists that good mothers do not lose custody of their children.

   But this is simply not true. And it is past time for Christians to educate themselves as to what is happening within the United States family court systems.

   As we strive to be light and salt to those within our spheres of influence, as we strive to be obedient to the command to "Bear one another's burdens" let's be aware of the protective mothers in our midst, who may or may not (as yet) have lost custody of their children. And let us begin to lovingly support these parents as they struggle with a horrendous reality that is incomprehensible to most of us. Sometimes that can be costly in terms of emotional investment, time, and even money. To their credit, one church in Central Florida, went so far as to pay the legal fees for one battered mother to regain custody of her children from their abusive father. 

   This church was not complementarian, so had no issues with supporting a mother wife who refused to be "submissive" and divorced an abusive husband. Refusal of male-headship churches to respond when possible victims of domestic abuse are identified is both a contributing and exacerbating factor in abuse and subsequent child custody issues  among church members.
   In cases of divorce, most loving fathers agree that children (especially babies and small children) need their mothers. A child's first primary relationship is usually with its mother. Although a protective parent can be either a mother or a father, it is usually the mother. If a mother is abusive, this writer agrees that a loving father should be granted custody, but the sad fact is, that many (probably the majority) of the fathers who sue for custody, are abusers of both their wives and children. In attempting to protect their child[ren] from abuse or sexual molestation, protective mothers risk being called liars and experiencing retaliation [or the threat of retaliation] by the family court system, in being accused of parental alienation (PAS) and of having their child/children ripped from them [often despite overwhelming evidence substantiating the abuse] and placed in the home of the abuser. 

   Family courts operate outside the criminal justice system. The two systems operate under completely different and unequal standards of investigating reports of abuse. This often results in evidence of criminal acts not ever being report to or being investigated by the police (only investigated by "case-workers" and "guardian ad litem's"). It is common, the family court system, for criminal acts never being brought to prosecution. 

   Additionally, protective mothers who report crimes against their children [by the abusive parent] often find they are ones penalized by having to endure the additional heartache and stigma of being granted only supervised visits with their children, in some cases not even being allowed to touch them during the visits.

   Can you imagine, no hugs allowed? 

   Some mothers lose relationships with their children altogether because of unjust custody rulings and the stiff protocol that comes with many supervised visit rulings. Children are robbed of close loving relationship with a loving parent--often their only loving parent. This is beyond crime. It is pure evil.

   And this is happening. 

   Good mothers do lose custody of their children. And they attend our churches. Visit the links in this post for more information about the family court holocaust that has been devastating American families for decades.

Protective mothers who read this, we ask that you comment to this post with suggestions as to how we can give you the support you need. What is it that you need most from your friends and family in Christ?

Mommy Fight for Us! Children of Abusers

 Proverbs 24:10-12 kjv says, If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small. If you neglect to deliver them that are drawn to their deaths, and those that are ready to be slain; If you say, Behold, we knew it not; does not he that knows the heart consider it? And he that holds your soul in his power, does not he know it? And shall he not hold you accountable?

   Women die from domestic violence. Children handed over to abusers in the name of "justice" are killed—and not just a few. Those who do not die or suffer permanent physical injuries, carry internal scars that affect them for the rest of their lives. 
   As humans and as Christians, this is our business! 
   He who searches the hearts tells us clearly that it is our business. It is also part of the way that we, as Christians, respond compassionately, effectively, and biblically to the sin and crime of domestic violence. It is part of the way we obey the command of Christ to bear one another's burdens, and be light and salt in our world.
   The Battered Mother's Custody Conference addresses what this writer calls a Family Court Holocaust. This issue has become an international crisis of battered women, abused children, and child custody litigation abuse. It is a secular conference with many suffering Christians in attendance. Our churches are full of protective mothers as well.
   If pastors and leaders cannot or will not attend this annual conference, which provides an education [on this issue] that is available nowhere else, then finance the trip for financially overburdened protective parents, who would otherwise be unable to attend a conference that puts practical tools in their hands for going through the very expensive, completely exhausting, legal nightmare of trying to protect their children.

   You’ll pray for them? That’s a good thing, a wonderful thing, now take the next step and put hands, feet, and wings to your prayers, add physical time, effort, and money to them. Hear the cry of one 2010 conference attendee’s daughters, who pleaded, “Mommy, fight for us. Do something every day to try to get us back, and don’t ever stop.”

   The Battered Mothers Custody Conference is held every January, in Albany, New York. Plan on attending next year’s conference and, if you can, help send a protective parent as well.