How Christians can foster help, healing, and support for domestic violence victims

 QUESTION for Jocelyn: Your insights on domestic violence highlight a crucial issue that needs urgent attention. 💔 How do you think the Christian community can effectively foster healing and support for victims? Looking forward to your thoughts!

Jocelyn's ANSWER: Christian leaders need to start showing more concern for the safety of the victims than for the reputations of the perpetrators. They need to show more concern for the health, happiness, and safety of victims than for maintaining the status quo of an unbiblical gender-based authority structure within the home. They need to start holding marital abusers accountable in every way possible, including bringing criminal charges when necessary. 

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Gender-based Responses Towards Victims of Domestic Violence

 Friends were telling me about a husband who was a victim of marital abuse. Their response to this was to say, "God bless him. The man's a saint!"

Men can be victims of spousal abuse as well as women, but reactions to male victims are vastly different from those directed towards women who are subjected to the same.

Women who are married to abusers are often criticized for the abuse they endure. They are often targets for gossip and looked down on for marrying "someone like that." The most common response towards women is "Why doesn't she just leave?"

This is just wrong.

As far as responses go, we have two wrongs going on here. The first is to blame victims instead of abusers. The second is to apply different standards to women victims than to men.

Unfair, gender-based, response to domestic violence and spousal abuse is rampant and is evident, across the board, in more compassionate responses received by male victims as opposed to the, often callous, responses received by women who are abused or battered.

Differing weights are an outrage to the LORD and a false balance is not good ~~ Proverbs 20:23

https://www.amazon.com/Woman-Submit-Christians-Domestic-Violence-ebook/dp/B0CG6Q77QY

Battered wives who won't leave

Women who were raised in (or who attend churches) where male governance is taught, are particularly vulnerable to not leaving dangerous marriages. They are the least likely to leave or confide in anyone. If they do, rest assured it is only because they feel desperate. But even if they do confide in someone, don't assume it is because they are ready to leave the marriages. False teachings about male governance and God's displeasure with women who leave their husbands for any reason at all, has often been pounded into their psyches for years, these wives are the least likely to take legal action against criminally abusive husbands or to leave the marriage. At the risk of their very lives, they will stay. If they do leave, it is usually only temporary, with the goal of "fixing" things and working towards reconciliation, which their pastors usually endorse. 

These victims often have a high moral compass. They are faithful wives, the truest of friends, may be successful career women, are likely to be active in their churches or other ministry work. They are frequently respected for their intelligence, spiritual discernment, and giftings (ditch the stereotypes!). But, because of faulty teaching about marriage and gender-roles, these often truly wonderful people are caught between emotional and spiritual rocks and hard places. 

Read more HERE.

Woman Submit! 2nd Edition

The 2nd Edition of Woman Submit! Christians & Domestic Violence is now available! 

This life-changing book about Christian response to domestic abuse can save lives. It is a power-packed must for anyone experiencing domestic violence or abuse.

You don't need the book because you don't experience marital abuse? What about those who may turn to you for help? How would you respond? Yes. This book is for you too.

The new edition has been revised with updated information and resources. It is available in print and digital formats and free to read for Kindle Unlimited subscribers! 

Woman Submit!: Christians & Domestic Violence: Andersen, Jocelyn: 9780979429354: Amazon.com: Books

Christian Response to Domestic Violence

 

Read more articles about Christian response to domestic violence HERE 

Your book is a reminder of what I need to do

Jocelyn, what a mighty God indeed. I am so thankful to Him for sparing your life so you could be the voice you now are for those who are gagged. What the enemy intended for evil, God has turned it out for your good and the good of many, many, more than you can count.

I remember a dark night on the streets of Hackney, London. I was a small child walking with my bloody-faced mother on our way to the hospital . . . I know now what the scar on her lips symbolizes. 

How selfish of me then...and now, especially as a Christian. I have not been fair to her by not understanding the impact of abuse on her life...I now recognize I need to not only repent but address her behavior toward me from a different perspective, certainly with more grace. 

A few days ago, as I pondered on meeting her again soon (last time 2016), I sensed I didn't want to touch her, I then realized I still have issues I need to address. Vising your site and reading the first chapter of your book is a reminder of what I need to do.

I will purchase the book and peruse your site in more detail. 

Thank you for sharing your pain, shame, and beauty you have acquired for your ashes through the faithful loving-kindness of our heavenly Father, who promised never to leave or forsake you.

...a vision comes before me of perpetrators...I saw men who are repentant and need support to overcome their guilt and shame.

Mary B

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Does Scripture Allow Divorce from an Abuser?

The entire tone and theme of scripture is that human lives and compassion are more important than theology, which is often skewed by personal bias. 

Proverbs chapter two says it is God's will that anyone oppressed by the evil man be free from him. That includes oppressed and abused wives. In forbidding abused spouses to divorce, proponents of mainstream marriage and divorce theology have ruined and cost far too many lives.

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Woman Submit! Christians & Domestic Violence: Andersen, Jocelyn: 9780979429309: Amazon.com: Books