"My wife was upset because I wouldn’t let her get her nails done. But, you see, Adam was in charge. The man has the rule over his wife. If a man wakes up at 3am hungry for a fried egg sandwich, then she has to get up and make it for him…”
I was not too sympathetic with what I was hearing from the man behind the pulpit. But as the speaker shared his views on what he believed constituted a biblical marriage relationship, my heart did go out to his wife. He unapologetically ruled supreme in their home, deciding the smallest details of their daily lives, even to the point as to whether or not his wife could have her nails done on a given day.
There was no question about her submission. And because she submitted meekly to his bullying, he was pleased to present his wife as a prime example of a Biblical woman. Even so, I was convinced that describing her as, “scared to death of him,” would have come closer to the truth.
When she was awakened from a peaceful slumber in the middle of the night and forced out of bed to cook her husband that egg sandwich, I wondered if she got up willingly, or did she feel like the live-in body servant he obviously believed she was? Did she joyfully and lovingly make that sandwich and present it to him while enjoying a few companionable moments with her spouse, or did she quietly, and, to all outward appearances, serenely set it on the table thinking, ‘There, I hope you choke on it!’
When he received that sandwich, did he eat it with relish and the satisfaction of believing that all was as it should be in his world? Would it have bothered him to know that his wife did not feel the same way as he did? And if she felt resentful and used at having her rest disturbed for no other reason than to satisfy his craving for a 3am snack, would it have been Christ-like for him to have blithely enjoyed that snack without giving a second thought to her feelings?
While recognizing and appreciating God-given differences between the sexes, this book will explore the Biblical appropriateness of assigning rigid gender roles to men and women within the home, church, and society.
This post is an excerpt from the book, Woman this is WAR! Gender, Slavery, & the Evangelical Caste System, by Jocelyn Andersen (release date to be announced). The book contains hundreds of references and helpful footnotes. Visit the following link if you would like to receive a release announcement by email:
http://hungryheart100.tripod.com/womansubmit/id6.html
I was not too sympathetic with what I was hearing from the man behind the pulpit. But as the speaker shared his views on what he believed constituted a biblical marriage relationship, my heart did go out to his wife. He unapologetically ruled supreme in their home, deciding the smallest details of their daily lives, even to the point as to whether or not his wife could have her nails done on a given day.
There was no question about her submission. And because she submitted meekly to his bullying, he was pleased to present his wife as a prime example of a Biblical woman. Even so, I was convinced that describing her as, “scared to death of him,” would have come closer to the truth.
When she was awakened from a peaceful slumber in the middle of the night and forced out of bed to cook her husband that egg sandwich, I wondered if she got up willingly, or did she feel like the live-in body servant he obviously believed she was? Did she joyfully and lovingly make that sandwich and present it to him while enjoying a few companionable moments with her spouse, or did she quietly, and, to all outward appearances, serenely set it on the table thinking, ‘There, I hope you choke on it!’
When he received that sandwich, did he eat it with relish and the satisfaction of believing that all was as it should be in his world? Would it have bothered him to know that his wife did not feel the same way as he did? And if she felt resentful and used at having her rest disturbed for no other reason than to satisfy his craving for a 3am snack, would it have been Christ-like for him to have blithely enjoyed that snack without giving a second thought to her feelings?
While recognizing and appreciating God-given differences between the sexes, this book will explore the Biblical appropriateness of assigning rigid gender roles to men and women within the home, church, and society.
http://hungryheart100.tripod.com/womansubmit/id6.html
5 comments:
A pastor? You go to this church? I don't want to go to church anymore...churches scare the death out of me. I wish it were just once in a few, but it seems to be every time...
If the egg sandwich husband thinks his wife is required to get up at 3AM for him, what does he think is required of him? Ephesians 5:25 (NIV) says "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her..." Wouldn't it have been a very tiny bit of "giving himself up for her" if he had made that fried egg himself and not disturbed his wife's sleep? Did he forget that if the passage has a "no matter what" tacked onto the wife's part, wouldn't it have a "no matter what" tagged onto the husband's love and self-sacrifice part, too?
If a husband sacrifices his own wants for his wife's benefit every time as he is directed to do in this passage, then wouldn't the wife be submitting to his self-sacrifice? Her submission would be to statements like, "Honey, why don't you take the better car? I'll take the older, less reliable one." Or "You say something about that man bothers you, dear? Then of course I won't ever invite him to our home again." Or "Well dear, I really do prefer to take our vacation in two weeks, but if you think five weeks from now would work better, we'll go on vacation then."
To men who want to be the boss,this sounds "hen pecked." But what they don't realize is that often their wives have knowledge, self-control, the interest of children and extended family, and intuition to help guide her in the decisions she makes, while "boss men" are only focused on their own desires--often self-centered ones.
If the church wants to stop abuse, we must start with corrected emphasis on Ephesians 5. The wife's part needs to be emphasized less, and the husband's self-sacrificial part needs to be emphasized so much it takes up something like 90% of marriage sermons, to correct the current imbalance.
If the husband chooses to demand instead of lovingly sacrifice himself for his wife's sake, he indeed is NOT practicing "Biblical manhood."
In discussions with my husband, I think of some things as more of a check and balance. One day I said, can I go to Ireland? Flights are only $400 each and my daughter is free and my husband said no. I really thought we could make it work and my close friends are over there for two years, but he was considering everything and the stress of spending the money right now was too much for him, so I dropped the subject.
Two years ago, I asked if I could visit close friends in Germany and he said yes and I took our kids and went.
I'm very interested in travel and have close friends abroad and he knows how important it is to me. I would travel everyday if there weren't someone to say no. I wouldn't really dream of overstepping him and not because I have to submit, but because the decision would cause him unnecessary stress.
If I were the wife of the man that wanted to egg sandwhich, I might get it for him if he were sick or his legs were broken. I can't find any other reason to consider this a burden I should carry for him rather than a responsibility or desire he should carry for himself. I don't make me daughter do all of my son's chores so he can play.
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